Come one. Come all. Welcome to my trip down memory lane, hosted by me.
Stay a while. Enjoy a hot beverage. Cuddle up with a fuzzy blanket. Surround yourself with plenty of comfort foods. Ensure there is a box of Kleenex within arm’s reach. Prepare your emotional awareness by watching a Lifetime movie. All settled? Good.
One week ago I said goodbye to my Missouri life, to which I have grown accustomed in the past five years. My life in Springfield has progressed throughout the years, and it has adapted to each new stage I introduce. Maybe that’s why I am so hesitant to leave; no matter what changes I have made in the past few years, my location has remained constant. It has been a security blanket, and I liked it.
I will admit that in my first year or two in Springfield, I was less than thrilled. Sure, I liked the idea that the mall had more than Kohl’s, Younker’s, and Sears in it, and of course I enjoyed my proximity to Hong Kong Inn and Sonic, but the city was not my home. Over time – and I cannot pinpoint the exact moment – Springfield, however, became just that: home.
It stayed with me as I changed and developed into the person I am today, although some may not look fondly on that. I went to Evangel, and I met people with whom I will remain close. I had my first “independent living” experiences, and I learned to accept uncertainty. I dove into Capernaum, and I uncovered a passion I did not know existed. I developed new relationships and surrounded myself with a close-knit group of people to support and encourage me. I graduated college, applied for jobs, accepted rejection, and rejoined in success. I became roommates with two of my closest friends, and I successfully let them see my crazy. I moved into a house and paid bills and recycled trash and killed mice and fleas. I started a new job and learned what to do and what not to do in my future careers. I found a church that I love, and I got involved…on my own terms.
I am proud of what I have accomplished. I am proud of the life I have built. I am proud that I made Springfield home.
It’s terrifying to leave what I know to be safe in order to go where uncertainty is the only thing waiting. In September, I am moving to Georgia. When I get back, I will be forced to start over – again.
Until that happens, I feel…homeless. I don’t really know where I fit since I no longer live in Springfield, and I haven’t lived in Fond du Lac for a while. I love my family and friends in Wisconsin, and I love my pseudo-family and not-pseudo-friends in Missouri, but I don’t feel “at home.” I’m in the process of accepting that because I know that eventually, I will build my life somewhere else; it will include pieces of WI me and pieces of MO me and pieces of Georgia me, but it will be new and scary and exciting and intimidating.And I'm okay with that.
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